I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
