i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
