i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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