are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
