so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
