i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everclear isn't food dammit
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
