Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
