I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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