It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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