and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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