I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
