i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
