my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
