well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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