Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
