Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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