some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
