he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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