Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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