Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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