she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
