Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
