He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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