We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
