This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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