Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
