I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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