That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
