At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
