I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
