foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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