I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
