If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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