I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
