Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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