took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
