Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
