Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
