apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
