please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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