You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
