It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Randomize
