Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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