She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
