i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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