so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
