he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
