two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
