You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
