why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am naked and annoyed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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