Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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