I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
