Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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