this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
