She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
