dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
