and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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